SkOoL dAyZ oF dOoM
by Ripper-Roo
Summary: Middle skool! Gir is insanely popular, Zim likes Gaz, Dib is just Dib, and chins of Doom eat the students! Oh, the madness... ::tomato:: Knock that off! ::more tomatos:: ZAGR and DATR... eventually... Ch7: Psoriasis!
1. A typical morning

Roo: Great Scott! My first Invader Zim fanfic! Hi everybody! (Waves enthusiastically)

Kari: Ignore her. She's about as annoying as Gir.

Roo: I take that as a compliment! (Smiles)

Kari: See what I mean?

Roo: Anyway, my name is Roo, she is my co-introducer Kari, you are the reader, and this is MY story.

Kari: Which is of the ZAGR clan, so if you don't like the Zim and Gaz pairing, press the back button on your toolbar.

Roo: Yes. The pairings are as followed; Zim/Gaz, Gir/Taco, and Dib/nobody. Okay?

Reader: (nods head)

Roo: So it's all cool! Yay!

Kari: Just get to the disclaimer, cuz I'm not doin' it!

Roo: Fine, be that way!

Kari: With pleasure.

Roo: Alrighty then. (Clears throat) Invader Zim is the rightful property of Jhonen Vasquez, not me. Otherwise, I'd be insanely popular!

**Skool Dayz of DOOM**

Chappie 1

A Typical Morning

Gaz and Dib were walking down the road to their first day of Middle Skool. All was as it was supposed to be. Dib was reading a paranormal magazine and Gaz was playing Vampire Piggies on her Game Slave 2.

"See! I told you that Pig Foot existed!" exclaimed Dib after seeing a picture of it in the magazine. He pointed to the picture and held it in front of his sister's face.

"That's just a large, overly hairy, normal pig," confirmed Gaz, not even taking her eyes off the game system. Then, a scream loud enough to break the sound barrier came from behind them.

"Get off me, you filthy Earth larvae!" shouted none other than Zim, who had two girls hanging off of his arms, trying to get to Gir, who was clinging to the alien's green head. Gir climbed to the top of Zim's head and wrapped his whole metallic body around it.

"Gir, I can't see!" yelled the alien while swerving around like an out of control race car. Gir could not hear over his own high pitched screaming, so Zim remained temporarily blinded. Soon enough, he swerved right into Gaz, sending one of the girls onto Dib, the other into a light post, and Gir onto a parked car, setting off its car alarm.

"Get off me…now," commanded Dib's frightening sister.

"Huh?" Zim looked below him to see the female Earth worm-baby, who had rolled her hands into fists. Zim's green skin formed a slight blush. He had developed human-like feelings fro the "Queen of Doom", as he had labeled her. She was different from the other Earthlings. She was mean, scary, cold, and distant. And Zim liked it, despite the fact that she was related to the stink pig further known as Dib Membrane. Snapping out of his staring, he pulled himself off her and then offered his black-gloved hand to her. She silently accepted it.

"Gaz! How could you take help from him like he was a normal human being?" asked Dib after getting the rabid Gir fangirl off of him.

The gothic girl returned to the Vampire Piggies, but also chose to answer her brother's question. "Because, unlike you, I'm not a paranoid idiot."

"Ha! Pathetic Earth stink Dib! Even your scary sister is on my side!" Zim lifted his hands to the sky and screamed typical Zim-like dialogue at the top of his lungs (or whatever he uses to breathe O.o). "Fear the wrath of ZIM! BWAHAHAHA!"

"Would you be quiet?" yelled some dude from the window of a nearby house. "People are trying to sleep!" He threw a pop can at Zim's head out of anger.

"One day you'll pay for throwing your aluminum junk at your future ruler!"

"Oooooo!" Gir ran over to the can and shook it up and down violently. "Aw, it's empty," the cute little robot said, disappointed by the fact that there was none of the fizzy liquid he liked so much inside.

"Gir," said Zim, annoyed by the insane antics of his minion.

"Yes, Master?"

"Shut up."

"Okie-dokie!" Gir saluted his master and then smiled cheerfully.

"You call THAT an evil minion, alien boy?" asked Dib with a questioning look on his face.

"No." Zim then realized that the robot had perched himself atop his head. "Gir, get off my head!"

"Whatever. Let's just get to skool," said the stink pig. All three of them left for the large skool, Zim and Dib glaring at each other all the way.

End of Chappie!

Roo: Gasp! Chappie 1 is completed!

Kari: It wasn't even that long.

Roo: I know that much!

Kari: I sure hope so.

Roo: Oh, hush. And on a side note, I plan on this getting funnier. I'm getting over a serious case of writer's block and I've been working on a horror story. My apologies fro the lack of humor.

Kari: Also, she was not trying to dis Dib, cuz she does not hate him.

Roo: Yeah! I find him quite cute! And I find Zim cute too! Really, I don't dislike any of the characters in Invader Zim.

Kari: Anyway, leave her a review. Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. Flames are not welcomed and certainly not appreciated.

Roo: Yeah! She's right on the dot! Until my next update, sayonara!

(Roo and Kari, signing off)

(POOF!)


	2. Tak is back!

Roo: UPDATE!

Kari: Actually, 5 reviews for her first chappie is a nice amount.

Roo: Yeah! I'm off to a pretty good start. So…I will respond to each of your reviews individually!

**Thankies go out to…**

**PhantomGirl515**: Oh my gosh! Don't splode! (Gives you tacos) Better? And yes, Dib and Zim are very cute…but not as a couple… That just scares me. Thankies!

**Jabber-NutFoxypants**: My forever loyal reviewer! (Huggles you) Shawlynn, Kari says that she would rather hang out with you than me… go figure. And I am quite happy to see you, Spring-Bomb! And…I know that I spelled my "fors" wrong! Don't mock me! (Hits spell check) I'll be more careful this time around. (Glares at spell check) Thank you for your review!

**Steffie**:That's awesome that my story was the first one that you read. I feel so special. (Blushes) I'm extra happy that you think it is good! Thankies and here's a second chappie for ya!

**Psychogizmo**: Yeah, It wasn't as funny as it could've been. But I plan on it getting funnier as I go along and get more inspired. I also didn't mean for it to be so freaking short. Hopefully this one will be longer. Thankies for your review!

**GipsyChan**: Yes, it was WAY too short. I hate that chappie. -.- I got the third volume of the IZ DVDs, and I saw the episode with Tak. I hadn't seen her since the show was on Nick, so I completely forgot about her. Then, I thought that Dib should be paired with her just cuz they belong together. So, she's coming back to Earth for Dib. Isn't that sweet? … I am so sappy when it comes to romance stories… (Sigh) Thankies and here's the update!

Roo: Well, that's all of you!

Kari: Now she feels special. We're all doomed.

Roo: Shut up! You annoy me!

Kari: And you annoy me. So now we're even.

Roo: Whatever. Just do the freaking disclaimer!

Kari: Roo doesn't own Invader Zim and most likely never will, are you lawyers happy now?

Roo: On with chappie number 2!

**Chappie 2**

**Tak is back!**

The rest of the walk to the skool was silent and calm. Gir was playing with the rubber pig and was twirling around with it like a little skool girl, all while screeching like a howler monkey. Dib was just staring at the robot with a raised, invisible eyebrow. Zim was getting ready to dismantle him right then and there. Gaz just continued playing Vampire Piggy Hunter while thinking about the annoyance of the little robot and how he was messing up her game. Her hands clenched the GS2 tighter and tighter until she couldn't take the screeching any longer. So, maybe it wasn't actually that calm…

"Hey, Zim?"

"Yeah?" answered the Irken alien.

"Make your pet shut its trap before I break it into pieces," threatened Gaz.

Zim turned to Gir. "Gir, shut-" He was cut short by a voice he knew all too well.

"I see that your "evil minion" is still as stupid as ever. So much for being advanced." Zim turned to his left side to be face-to-face with none other than his arch rival, Tak, in her gothic-like human disguise.

"Tak? What are you doing back here on Earth?" he asked, surprised by her sudden appearance. "I thought I showed you whose planet this is to conquer!" He pointed his claw-like finger dramatically while shouting.

"Ahem." Dib crossed his arms and looked at Zim angrily.

"And I had some help from the filthy Earth creature," added Zim while glaring at Dib. Dib smiled in triumph. "Anyway, why ARE you here?"

"I have my reasons."

"What are those?" Tak sent a look in Zim's direction saying that he was stupid to think that she would tell him of all people.

Out of the blue, the skool bell rang and the skool yard's inhabitants rushed inside. Gir followed all the humans and continued to screech. Zim followed the SIR unit just to make sure that none of the humans got a hold of his advanced Irken technology. Gaz shut off the GS2 and put it in her backpack, silently walking to the educational building. Tak and Dib followed.

-Once inside-

Everyone had stopped by the office and got their class schedules and walked to the hall of their grade. Dib and Zim were in four of their seven classes together; homeroom, PE, band (Their elective), and math. Dib suspected that the principal was high on something or other. Zim just put the principal on his list of people that would die first once he tool over the pathetic planet. He was placed right after Dib. After putting him on the list, Zim laughed maniacally and received some awkward stares from the other students. He soon noticed their stares and stopped the laughter. He coughed and then walked away like nothing had happened. Everyone soon went back to whatever they were doing before.

As for the others, they were content with their classes. Gir's schedule had Special ED as his elective, not that he had chosen it because he didn't know what it meant. Zim had chosen it for him when Gir decided that he wanted to go to skool with his master. Gir was also going to be with the other "special students" in all of his other classes. Yet again, it was his master's decision.

-Later on…-

Dib and Zim had found their homeroom class, which was where they were to report first. The room was filled with the other human stink children, including some from the

previous year. The two rivals selected their desks, which were both on opposite sides of the classroom that way they could exchange supposedly evil glares at each other.

The majority of the class was talking noisily, like any normal 6th grade class. They talked about what they did during their summer vacation and how they planned to drive their new teachers insane. Some were saying "Blah blah blah" just for the sake of being obnoxious. But such annoyance would not be tolerated by this new teacher. The teacher who would strike permanent fear into their hearts…

"Be silent, you filthy vermin!" came a deep, manly voice, but surprisingly, it was coming from a woman. She had her grey hair piled up on her head like the old fashioned beehive hair-do. Another noticeable feature was her double (or one thousand) chins that fell down her unclean dress like a waterfall. She had a big mole on the previously mentioned chins that had a few wire-like hairs and what looked like a spot of mustard on it. Her squinting eyes glared at the class from behind her also filthy thick, square glasses. In short, she was the single most ugly thing on the face of the planet. And all the students knew it too.

"Ew…" said one of them. The man-lady's glare turned to the single child. The child gulped as he sulked into the chair. But he was no match for the chins of the teacher. They seemed to have a mind of their own and flew over to the defenseless child and seemed to swallow him alive like a snake eating its pray.

"I don't want to hear another word out of any of you for the rest of the year or you'll be next. The whole class gulped. This was going to be a nightmare of a year…

**End of Chappie!**

Roo: I hope that this chappie satisfied you. (crosses fingers)

Kari: And, on a side note, this teacher was based off of an actual substitute teacher that Roo had for several years of her skool life. Detectives are still deciding whether or not the teacher's chins actually sucked up any students.

Roo: Yeah… (shivers from memories) I was one of the lucky survivors… Some were not as lucky as myself…

Kari: …Okay…Leave a review, and also, you can give Roo any suggestions that you might have for this story. Flames will not be tolerated, and if you flame us we will sick the chins of doom on you. So don't put your precious life in danger.

-Sayonara!-

-Roo and Kari-

(POOF!)


	3. Locker Buddies

Roo: The third chappie! Whoot!

Kari: You made her do this… (Points to you) YOU are the cause of this… this… DOOM. Because of you… She updated… And that will be the true downfall of –

Roo: Oh, hush. (Bonks with scythe)

Kari: Fine. Be that way. (Puts ice pack on head)

Roo: Now, do what I pay you for! Say the disclaimer!

Kari: You've never paid me… You barely have enough money to keep yourself satisfied! Let alone me!

Roo: Whatever. Just say it, (points to pile of dead and deceased people, who were killed by herself and her scythe) and you won't end up like the others. (Eyes glow neon green and neon green aura surrounds her and her scythe)

Kari: Nice lighting effects. Where'd ya get them? (Notices they're for real) Oh… (Nervous look) Heh heh… she doesn't own Invader Zim… only me and the fic… heh heh… You know, you should probably answer to the reviews.

Roo: Already on it!

_**Thankies go out to…**_

**Jabber-Nut Foxypants**: Yay! I WAS watching you type that review AND we watched the DVDs! What will we do next…? WHO KNOWS! The sky is the limit! (tries to fly) (fails) Thankies… for your… review… (dies) X.x

**Sayiangirl**: Okay… I like ZAGRs too, but I don't think I'm nearly as crazy as you are about it. O.o And… how land did it take you to type that? That was the longest review I've ever gotten! I feel so special! You even beat Jabber-Nut to the Longest Review EVER mark! And that takes skills! Thankies for your reviews!

**Cashews**: I am sorry it I brought back any unneeded memories. If I did, I'm sorry! Thankies for your review and I'm glad that you think it was great! That makes me feel so good inside! O.o And here's the next chappie! (Thankies captain obvious!)

**GipsyChan**: Yeah… sadly, it was short. And the teacher is an It, not a He or a She. Weird, huh? Kinda disturbing, too. O.O Yeah, the real life teacher that this beast was based off of did look a little like the Pizza Hog. Maybe with a twist of Turkey Neck for flavor. I'm glad that I could make it JV styled. I never thought that I could do that, considering that he is WAY too awesome. Thankies for your review!

**PhantomGirl515**: Yes, Tak is awesome! But how can you read the episode? That seems kinda weird. And screensavers can be excessively retarded and annoying! I know that I hate mine! And I liked that little thing with the bacon and the soap at the end of your review! That was funny! I will never stop writing! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (choke) Anyways, Thankies for your review and here's the update!

**Invader Shannon**: Thankies for your review! I'm glad that you think it is awesome! That makes me happy!

**Thankies to you all!**

Roo: Wow… 12 reviews already! This is the best that any of my fics have done! OH YEAH! I am on a roll!

Kari: Get on with the chappie! They came here to read it, not listen to your chatterbox!

Roo: Disclaimer first!

Kari: Alright already! Roo Owns nothing except the story and me! There! I said it.

Roo: Okie-dokie! Enjoy the update while it lasts! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Kari: Give it a rest, will ya?

**-Chappie 3-**

**Locker Buddies**

The scary and frightening teacher walked into the classroom slowly in an attempt to strike even more fear into the students' hearts… and it was working. The ugliness made a rather large shiver go up Zim's spinal cord (or whatever makes his back. O.o) and he decided that this particular earth creature (he didn't know what species it was! xD) was something that could threaten his mission greatly.

'Something that could cause even the great Zim to feel fright could possibly be a match for my Irken invader skills. It could even be a problem for the Mass when they get here… I must destroy it… and quickly…' he thought while examining its revolting body for any signs of a nuclear weapon. He didn't see any threats, aside from the chins, and maybe that mole, too… 'If I get rid of the chins… yes… that could possibly lower its power… Now, how would I do that?' Zim pondered these thoughts, all while absent-mindedly twirling his non-existing mustache. That twirling motion made the people on Dib's half of the room advert their stares from the ugly thing to Zim's action that was making him look really retarded.

'Maybe it has some relation with the Blotch (see episode named "Mysterious Mysteries"). And were those chins genetically enhanced, or were they touched by the supernatural? What gave them the ability to suck up people into another dimension? Where did that kid go to, anyway?' Dib contemplated these questions hatched by his young paranormal investigator mind, all while stroking a non-existing beard. Stares from Zim's half of the room came his direction.

So, the scene currently looked a little like this. Dib and Zim were both contemplating _and_ pondering things while touching imaginary facial hair. The children on Zim's half of the room were staring at Dib's weirdness and the kids on Dib's half of the room were observing Zim's strangeness. And of course, there was the ugly thing from the deep walking to the center of the front of the room. AND THEN A GIANT PENGUIN FLEW THROUGH THE WINDOWS AND LANDED ON DIB'S ABNORMALY LARGE HEAD! WTQ? … Just joking! Hee hee! … Or was I? O.o

"My name is Ms. Miller, you filthy vermin. I hope that you all never live to see the 7th grade," it said in that disgusting, manly voice. As it spoke, the chins wiggled in a sickly manner. And the mole seemed to be vibrating…

The kids didn't say anything in response for fear of being absorbed. And also because of the comment made in the previous chappie that it didn't want the people to say another word for the rest of the year. All was way too silent to possibly be an ACTUAL 6th grade class.

"Now, pick your filthy locker partner and your equally filthy lockers," came that disturbing voice. "I would advise you to clean out the man eating purple fungi that might have formed from last year's putrid student body." Some random other kid tried to escape to the bathroom for obvious reasons (to empty his stomach of his breakfast), but the chins caught on to his before he could even reach the door. The child joined the other one inside the dimension that Dib decided _supposedly _was inside of that mole. All the chins had to do was feed on them and suck their blood, or something along the lines of that, and then the lifeless bodies were dumped into the mole as a sort of life force to keep the body and the chins alive and well.

The children cautiously got out of their seats to pick their partner, avoiding any eye contact with the… teacher. They joined together and then walked out to the hall to pick their locker. A skool attendant was waiting out there for them and gave them the combination for their locker. Then, they opened it and discovered that the ogre was not lying about the purple fungi. And it WAS a man-eater. As soon as the light from the world outside of the metal box hit it, it jumped out at its victims. This caused incredibly high-pitched screams to come from the girls and "Holy (insert bad word here)!) to come from most of the boys.

And so the ritual of picking and screaming continued until the only people left without locker buddies were none other than Dib and his beloved arch rival, Zim.

The disgusting excuse for a teacher walked over to them, its chins swaying with the movement of its chunky, obese body. As it neared, a stench filled the atmosphere. The smell was powerful enough to make the O-zone layer MUCH thinner, and it did, in fact. Despite Zim's lacking of a nose, it made him shrivel in disgust. Dib nearly gagged from the body odor coming from everywhere, especially the pits, where sweat had made two rather large wet spots on the already filthy enough shirt that it was wearing.

"Oh… Tallests help me! Help me survive this horrible human stench!" mumbled Zim quietly, praying with his shriveled hands for help in surviving this stinky moment.

'Geeze, when was the last time it took a shower?' thought Dib while covering his nose with one hand and swatting the flies that were lingering around the beast away from him with the other hand.

"I now declare you two locker buddies. You may pick your fungi ridden locker and dump your (insert same bad word from other paragraph here) in it." The two boys exchanged death glares and growls. It was decided. This year would not only be long and torturous, but it would also be filled with inevitable doom.

**-End of Chappie!-**

Roo: Okay… those paragraphs were pretty long in my opinion, and yet the chappie wasn't that long… It makes no sense!

Kari: So, they'll just have to put up with these short chappies until you can find some mysterious other way to make them long?

Roo: I suppose so… I am sorry! I've always kinda had trouble writing decent sized chappies. X.x' My apologies in advance. Also, sorries for this chappie being do freaking UNEVENTFUL! I was having fun with describing thingywas! I know that there was not that much dialogue! So don't mention it in your reviews cuz I already know this fact! X.X;

Kari: She'll work on improving this. I think.

Roo: (bonks Kari on head) Of course I will! How can you doubt me?

Kari: Do you want me to name off everything on the list?

-Sayonara!-

-Roo and Kari-

(POOF!)


	4. The Side Story of DOOM!

Roo: Sorry this update wasn't as quick as the others! I've had a cold and therefore did not want to type too much cuz I knew that I would probably make typos like there was no tomorrow, but I feel much better now!

Kari: This means that you'll get around the clock suffering.

Roo: Why must you insult me so much?

Kari: Because I can, that's why.

Roo: Good point.

**Thankies go out to…**

**Sayiangirl**: I wish I could type that fast. You're gifted.

**GipsyChan**: Don't worry; it'll get to the ZAGR and DATR parts in time… I just don't want to rush things. I have plenty of ideas for those parts floating around in my head, though! All I need to do is put them in the right places. Here's another chappie for you! I hope this one's longer. I think it might be…

**Invader Shannon**: Well, I continued! And that's probably for the best, cuz I believe that patience is not a virtue… It's a skill.

**TheFicLord**: If you used Mini Moose and Gir's ghosts, does that mean that you killed them or sucked their souls out? That would be animal AND robot abuse! And that's not good! Yeah, Kari is with me in all my author's notes and sometimes in my reviews. You managed to kill the chins? What kind of gun did you use? Not many things can kill Miller Chins!

**Jabber-NutFoxypants**: I come over to your house when I can, but you were at drivers Ed most of the time, and right now you're in Boise! So sometimes I can't… Which is sad. Yay! Way to go me! I rock! (Gets tomato thrown at her) Jeeze, people! Don't throw things at me! X.x

**xxFadingAwayxx**: Just as I told GipsyChan, I will get to it EVENTUALLY. I don't like it when romance stories are rushed. NO! NOT THE SQUIRRELY WRATH! ANYTHING BUT THAT! (Ahem) Glad you love the story!

Roo: And, that's about everyone! Kari, you know what to do.

Kari: And if I don't?

Roo: Well, after a year you should.

Kari: Dang it. (Sigh) Jhonen Vasquez owns Invader Zim, Not Roo, not anyone else. Just Jhonen himself.

Roo: Enjoy the chappie!

**-Chappie 4-**

**-The Side Story of DOOM-**

So, now we move onto a class for children with more then a few screws loose. And who better to be in this class then Gir! Yes, this is a class for the more insane pupils of the skool, taught by a teacher whose name is classified information. Because of this, we will call her "Joe".

(Switch to class taught by Joe)

"Hello, class!" said an overly cheery teacher named Joe. She waved enthusiastically. Very enthusiastically. So enthusiastically that her arm flew off.

"What was that?" asked The Letter M while staring at the twitching and cringing arm on the floor, along with the rest of the class.

"Oh, sorry!" She flashed a nervous smile. "It… does that sometimes."

"Why?" asked Billy.

"Um…"

(Le gasp! Flash back!)

Oh, the drama! Oh, the action! Oh, the drama! Wait. I already said drama, didn't I?

A dangerous and fierce battle between Joe and Ms. Miller was a brewing. The arena: That place near the vending machines. A fight had begun for the last bag of the sour gummy bears, the sacred treasure of the vending machine.

"Are you prepared to suffer death?" asked Joe.

"Those gummy bears are MINE. Like unsuccessful students, they are my chins' life force." It stroked the chins, as if petting them. They seemed to purr in response to this touching. "They are like the air we breathe, but even more important."

(Insert crappy heroic music here)

"No, I won't let that happen," stated Joe as an American flag appeared behind her. "In the name of justice, I will-"

The heroic music came to an even crappier pause, like a broken record or something, as some random dude came by. "Dude, we need our flag back, yo."

"Sorry." Joe hung her head low in disgrace.

"But, if it'll make you happy, you can use Canada's flag, yo." The random person pointed to the red and white lag sitting in a nearby corner. "We're done with it, yo."

"Thank you so much!" She ran over to the flag and replaced the American with the Canadian flag, and then got back into the crappy heroic pose. The annoying music started up yet again.

"Ahem. As I was saying… In the name of justice, I will eat those gummy bears!" She rushed toward the Miller, looking as though she would punch it, but the Miller held up a stop sign. Joe came top a halt.

"I'll give you the gummy bears in exchange for your arm."

"Deal!"

And the deal was sealed! The Miller ripped off Joes arm and Joe ate gummy bears. The Miller started to absorb the sacrificed limb, but…

"_EW!_" The chins spat out the arm. It landed on the arm, covered in something along the lines of saliva. "Your arm is sickening!"

"_BLARGH!_" Joe spat out a whole bunch of purple gummy bears. "These eggplant flavored ones are horrible!"

"I'll give you your already torn off arm in exchange for those eggplant flavored ones."

"Deal!"

And after the second deal was sealed, the chins absorbed the spit covered candies and Joe duck taped her arm back on. The End.

(End of flash back!)

"Are you _sure _that you want to know?" asked Joe after 31 ½ seconds of twitching and shivering from the horrid memory.

"You bet! That's why I asked," replied Billy.

"Well… you can't know! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" (choke cough hack seizure die twitch DOOM)

And with that, Joe keeled over from a failed attempt at being an evil psychopathic freak. The funeral dudes came and carried her body out to the Funeral Dudes Inc. official Hummer.

…

(silence)

…

(crickets chirping)

…

"Great job, Billy! You killed our teacher!" shouted Irwin sarcastically. "Now we don't even HAVE a teacher!" Irwin whacked Billy over the head with Random Person number 32 out of anger and aggression. "I was supposed to kill our teacher, not you!" A fist fight was almost started between Billy and Irwin, but was delayed by the appearance of a shiny robot. It was none other than Gir. He and Mini Moose casually walked/floated through the door. Luckily for them, Joe was as dead as dead could get, so they could not get yelled at.

"I'M GONNA BE YOUR NEW TEACHA THINGY!" screeched Gir as he jumped up onto the former teachers desk. The students cheered for the little SIR unit. Mini Moose tossed rubber piggies out to the crowd of shouting kids.

"No! Mah rubber piggies! I loveded you! LOVEDED YOU!"

"What's all this noise?" shouted the Leprechaun Overlord that was in the hallway.

"No… the rumors were true…"said Random Person number 32. Her eyes widened in fear and all the other students, excluding Gir because he has no fingernails, started chewing on their fingernails in complete synchronization. "The school DOES have a Leprechaun Overlord!" All the children, except Gir because he was still mourning over the loss of his beloved rubber piggies, screamed in complete synchronization. Well, except for Billy because he was half a second off.

"But, no one is EVER to anger a Leprechaun Overlord! We have disobeyed the laws of physics!" shouted Skoodge as he ran around like a deranged howler monkey.

"Yippee!" screeched Gir, now forgetting about his sadness and the pain he had been feeling inside his little robot heart. "We're gonna be DOOMED!"

Mini Moose squeaked in triumph. The students trembled in fear. Gir jumped onto the Overlord's head in stupidity.

"You got any o' dem taquitos?" Gir reached into his head compartment and pulled out a taquito and a sombrero, put the sombrero on, and held the taquitos up into the air. "I gots me one!" Then he started thwapping the Leprechaun's head with the Mexican food.

"NO! Not the taquito!" The Leprechaun's head started to flame and his skin started to melt into a puddle of melted skin and stuff. "It buuuurrrnnnssss…"

And those were the last words of the Leprechaun Overlord. But the skool had just hired another one to take his place. Taquito incidents like that happened all the time, so they always had reinforcements.

"Wow, Gir! You saved us from our DOOM filled fate/destiny! I think I love you!" yelled Random Person number 32.

"No! He's mine!" Allison jumped onto Random Person number 32's head and bit it with her vampire fangs.

"But he's so CUTE!" squealed Skoodge like a fat, ugly little skool girl. All the other children gave the fat green child strange looks.

…

(More silence)

…

(More crickets chirping)

…

Everyone's stares went to that cricket.

Mini Moose ate said cricket.

The people cheered for Mini Moose and Gir.

And that was how Gir and Mini Moose rose up to popularity and this was how they would take over the skool. And without even knowing it, either.

**-End of Chappie!-**

Roo: And, that's about it!

Kari: And Roo actually believes that all principals are actually Leprechaun Overlords… kinda sad, if ya think about it.

Roo: I don't like you. So shut up! They ARE Leprechaun Overlords! Have you ever noticed how short and fat they are? They just make themselves look like normal humans until it's time to strike!

Kari: You are one hopeless little person.

Sayonara!

-Roo and Kari-

((POOF!))


	5. Cafeteria Catastrophe!

Roo: Oh, the joy! A freaking UPDATE!

Kari: (Waves flag)

Roo: Yes! This is a reason to wave those random flags! Cuz this is the freaking FIFTH CHAPPIE! … And stuff!

Kari: Enough with your babbling. Just thank the people and make me say the disclaimer so that you can continue typing this and we can get on with our lives.

Roo: Wow! Is my schedule always this predictable?

**Thankies go out to…**

**The Fic Lord**: Wow… Nice choice in weapon! And how exactly did they come to you…? Yes, Gir is a teacher! And a pretty flippin' insane one at that!

**xxFadingAwayxx**: Awesome! You are the only person who noticed that Billy and Mandy crossover! I praise you on that. Thankies for sparing me the squirrelly wrath! I was pretty worried there for a second! Yes, Dib is very cute! He has such a big head! XD He is paired with Tak. I decided that in the second chappie, so no worries!

**Sayiangirl**: That's cool! If I don't want to type, I just don't type. O.o Very glad that you love the fic!

**ACK! **: Glad to know that I'm loved! XD

**Bianca: **I'm kinda wondering if that is a flame, but whatever. It may just be you calling me strange. If you are saying that I am a total weirdo, you couldn't be more correct!

**Howdy Y'all! **: Thankies! Update I shall… or at least until this story comes to an end… This won't be for a LONG while…

**GipsyChan**: Yay! I was hoping that the last chappie was humorous enough.

Roo: Yippee! Thankies for all the reviews! They make me feel so happy! And now, here's Kari with the disclaimer!

Kari: Roo does not own Invader Zim, although she really wishes that she did. But hey, if wishes were fishes, we'd all have a fry.

Roo: Fish! (eats fish) Yay! Trout! (continues eating)

Kari: You are one scary person. O.o

**-Chappie 5-**

**-Cafeteria Catastrophe-**

(Fast forward to lunchtime)

Surprisingly enough, Middle Skool actually serves ACTUAL FOOD. This concept was foreign to our little Irken friend, though. He found the pizza to be very questionable, and poked it with his fork, like he did with all human foods that were new to him. Just like all the previous food stuff, it squeaked slightly, which made Zim even more suspicious of it. This was probably why he was so thin; he did not eat anything… at all… ever.

Zim grunted in frustration as he started to poke the slice of pizza harder. He didn't understand what Gir found so delicious about this squeaky food. 'Then again, EVERYTHING on this planet is squeaky…' thought Zim as he continued the poking. It always amused him in a way.

"It won't hurt you. Just eat it already." Zim turned his attention from the piece of pizza to the person who had decided to sit next to him. That person just happened to be Dib's scary sister, Gaz.

Zim glared at the pizza again and sniffed it with his non-existent nose, testing it for poison or any other substance that could make him gag.

Gaz watched Zim as he observed the food. His weird little antics were somewhat enjoyable to watch. 'At least this is better than watching stupid Dib flirt with Tak.' She chuckled a little as Zim's antics got even more stupid (Which made her look EXTREMELY out of character… not to mention a little freaky), for now he had gathered the courage to poke the pizza with his claw… and the cheese had stuck his claws together. She feared laughing again, so she pulled out the GS2 and started playing Vampire Piggy Hunter. Too bad for her, Zim's cries of terror were not that easy to ignore.

"Ugh… GIR! GET THIS FILTH OFF OF MEEEEEEE!" He looked to his right side, which was Gir was supposed to be sitting. Unfortunately, he was across the room, surrounded by some random people that Zim did not know, well, except for Skoodge. 'Wait… why IS Skoodge here…?' Zim pushed this thought aside for a time when his life was not on the line, and went back to screaming like the weirdo he truly was deep down.

Gaz found it hard to concentrate on her game with all the high pitched screaming, and decided to help the freaked out alien. She grabbed his wrist and pulled on the stringy, greasy cheese. To Zim's surprise, it came off with ease. He stared in awe as Gaz tossed the piece of cheese onto Zim's tray.

"The next time your robot dog doesn't come to your rescue, use your brain."

"And you said it wouldn't hurt me! Victory for ZIM!" shouted the Irken.

"You just got your butt whopped by a piece of cheese, and you're going to call this a victory?" questioned Gaz as she turned her attention back to the Vampire Piggies.

Zim sent a death glare in the cheese's direction, but decided to answer her question. "Yes… Yes I am," he said proudly.

Gaz couldn't help but smirk at this. "You know, you're actually pretty funny when you're not being a psychotic jerk."

"Eh?" Zim cocked his head, not fully understanding this.

She sighed. "Let's just say that I would rather hang around you than my retarded, paranormal brother."

"So, we have a common enemy: The Dib Monkey."

"I guess you can put it that way," said Gaz before taking a bite of her pizza.

…

(Silence)

…

(Crickets chirping)

…

Zim shoved away the tray with the pizza on it, figuring he wouldn't even eat it anyway. And besides, he most certainly did not want another life or death match with the cheesy substance that seemed to have demonic eyes and fangs. 'Or maybe that's just me…' He then turned away from the evil, hissing dairy product and looked over Gaz's shoulder to see what the thing she was holding was. He was now mesmerized by the flashing colors and the demonic piggies on the tiny screen. After a couple of seconds, Gaz stopped abusing the buttons of her GS2.

"Must you breathe down my neck?"

Zim sat back down and stared into space. Not literally, though. "What _is _that thing that you always have?" He looked to the purple game system and pointed to it. He made an attempt to poke it, but Gaz slapped his hand away.

"Touch it without my permission and you will suffer," said Gaz with a glare that clearly said that she meant it. Zim gulped while rubbing his throbbing claws.

"Well… what is it?"

"It's called a Game Slave. I'm guessing they don't have video games where you're from?"

"This is the first that I have heard of them. So, it is your slave? Your minion? It obeys your every command?"

"In some ways. I guess it can be called a minion, considering it's far smarter than Gir." She sent a glance in the SIR unit's direction. Gir was happily hugging a bundle of taquitos (And eating a few while he was at it), along with Mini Moose, who was joyfully floating and squeaking. The girls had flocked to them like flies to a piece of dung. The boys were also hanging around them, wanting to be just like them s they could attract the ladies and be unbelievably popular.

"Anything is more intelligent than Gir. He is more focused on the food of these 'Mexicans' than world domination." Zim sighed and shook his head.

"Well, how about I teach you about video games?" suggested Gaz.

"Eh?"

"You can come over to my house after skool with me, and I'll teach you. Besides, it would really piss Dib off to see us hanging out together. You said it yourself, we have a common enemy."

'Hm… That _could _work out.' Zim twirled the imaginary mustache again. "Fine, earth female."

"Alright. I'll meet you outside the skool when the bell rings." Gaz put away her Game Slave and went to dump her tray.

"Heh heh… sleep peacefully now, Dib-monkey, for it will be the last peaceful sleep you will ever know from this moment on! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The entire lunchroom stared at Zim. The Irken invader picked up his tray with the evil cheese and pizza on it and left the cafeteria.

**The Zim has left the building!**

**-End of Chappie!-**

Roo: Whooterz! It's done!

Kari: 'Bout time.

Roo: Well, you all wanted me to get to the ZAGR part, and the first step for that is to have them fuse a friendship! And so they are! Yippee! And, sorries if Gaz is out of character. That wasn't really intentional… It just happened that way. But, hey, all for the sake of pissing off Dib, right?

Dib: You're a jerk, Roo.

((Sayonara!))

-Roo and Kari-

(**POOF!**)


	6. The Hideous SongFic Thingy!

Roo: Alright! The sixth chappie is in da hood, mah homies!

Kari: Quit the gangster act, you weirdo.

Roo: I can't help it, foo'. O.o I have da random impulses of da gangsta-ness in mah soul, home dawg. FO SHIZZLE!

Kari: (Knocks Roo out) I swear, by the end of this story, one of us going to be dead… Hopefully, it'll be Roo.

**Thankies go out to…**

**The Fic Lord**

**Jabber-Nut Foxypants**

**xxFadingAwayxx- **That's a great idea! When I find the right place, I'll put him in!

**Sayiangirl**

**ACK!**

**Zovesta**

**Jennifer Thomas**

**Invader-Maz- **Yes, everything works out with this couple! They're perfect for each other!

**Rain spirit- **Aw, thank you! When I read your comment you made me blush! Thankies so much!

**ReddiststheRose**

**Gipsy Chan**

**InvaderChick- **You read my profile? And it made you laugh? GOOD! And… Gir is ALWAYS insane. Nothing or no one can EVER change that. XD

**The Hot Mage Aeris**

Roo: (Comes back for a second) HOLY FLIPPIN' SHOUT! 13 REVIEWS IN 1 CHAPPIE? AM I REALLY THAT LOVED? (Gets knocked out again)

Kari: She is sorry that she cannot reply to them like she used to, it's just that she's getting more reviews than any of her fics have received in this amount of time and it takes too long for someone with as little of patience as her. But she responded to some of the ones she felt needed to be responded to. She is very glad that you all like her fic so much and take your time to read it. She doesn't own IZ or the Beach Boys' creepy song, yatta yatta yatta… On with the show!

**-Chappie 6-**

**-The hideous song-fic thingy-**

Zim was in his last class of the first day of this hideous skool day, and was eager for skool to get out. He couldn't stand the smell of that stinky kid behind him much longer.

'Come on, you stupid human dirt thing! Hurry up!' Zim rolled his hand into a fist and shook it, threatening to strangle the clock if it disobeyed him. It didn't do anything at all, except for move one second forward. This wasn't enough to please the Irken invader, though.

'First that cheese made a fool of me, and now this clock? Could this skool get any WORSE?' He slammed his fists onto the desk, causing quite a racket.

"Is there something you would like to share with the rest of the class, Zim?" asked his math teacher; another grotesque human stink thing that was supposedly in the "human army" before he got his pinky toe shot off in the war and he had to quit and become a sixth grade teacher or he would die a horrible death. And, of course, he was also doing this to get closer to his one true love, Ms. Miller.

"No, Mr. Mister," answered Zim, slightly growling lowly at the clock.

"That's Private Mister to you, young soldier!" shouted Mr. Mister.

"I'm sorry, you horrible stink pig!" screeched Zim.

"That's much better." The teacher continued to go on and on and on about math stuff, always relating it to his years back in the army, which got really annoying after a while.

Zim, on the other hand, chose to pass the time by balancing a pencil on his lower lip, failing at times. Other children decided to copy. Soon, the entire class was doing it, except for Dib. He was drawing a picture explaining why his rival was an alien, something he did quite frequently. They were usually in the form of comics, with poorly drawn stick people, that spooky Chihuahua that Zim was scared to death of, and, to top it all off, OSCAR MEYER WEINERS!

Then, all of a sudden, just to add suspense and drama into this fanfic….. The clock **_stopped! _**These sudden and randomly retarded types of events could cause major distortions in the Irken mind… causing them to break out into song.

Zim jumped up onto his desk with a microphone and shouted, "HIT IT, TORQUE!"

"You got it, Bob Francey!" Torque smacked Melvin over the head and a disco ball appeared out of nowhere, along with some funky music…

Zim cleared his throat and began his vocal masterpiece…

"_When I grow up to beeeeeeee a maaaaaaannnnnnn!"_

Dib's abnormally large head shot up, giving him some sort of a whiplash that he ignored, and stared at the Beach Boys impersonator.

"What… the… quack…?"

The rest of the class started staring in fear from that super spooky Beach Boys song, yet bobbed their heads to the beat.

"_Will I dig the same things that turn me on as a kid?_

_Will I look back and say that I wish I hadn't done what I did?_

_Will I joke around and still dig those sounds_

_When I grow up to be a man?"_

"Zim, why are you saying 'dig' so much? And what the fart do you mean by SOUNDS?" shouted Dib, but the music was louder.

"_Will I look for the same things in a woman that I dig in a girl?_

_(Fourteen fifteen)"_

"Zim," started Dib. "If you're talking about Tak… BACK OFF! SHE'S MINE!" he yelled in a rather stalker-ish way.

**(With Tak, in the girls' bathroom)**

"May the force be with you, Dib!"

A flush is heard in the background.

**(Back with the Beach Boys… err… Zim…) **

"_Will I settle down fast or will I first wanna travel the world?_

_(Sixteen seventeen)_

_Now I'm young and free, but how will it be_

_When I grow up to be a man?_

_Oooooo Ooooooo Oooooooo_

_Will my kids be proud or think their old man is really a square?_

_(Eighteen nineteen)_

_When they're out having fun yeah, will I still wanna have my share?_

_(Twenty twenty-one)_

_Will I love my wife for the rest of my life?_

_When I grow up to be a man?"_

"NOOOO! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE MY LOVER BEAN!" screeched the little annoying child.

"_What will I be when I grow up to be a man?_

_(Twenty-two twenty-three)_

_Won't last forever_

_(Twenty-four twenty-five)_

_It's kind of sad_

_(Twenty-six twenty-seven)_

_Won't last forever_

_(Twenty-eight twenty-nine)_

_It's kind of sad_

_(Thirty thirty-one)_

_Won't last forever_

_(Thirty-two . . .)"_

The bell rang, and with that the singing silenced! Everyone applauded Zim and the fact that the spookiest song in the world was over! Their ears praised such a glorious moment in history, and sobbed tears of utter joy… made of earwax. Zim hopped off his desk and hurried to his locker, not wanting to miss his meeting with Gaz. Unfortunately, Dib was there at the same time as his rival, causing a bit of a jam.

"Move it, Dib monkey! I was here first!"

"No, I was by 1.2778865434 seconds!"

"You were really counting all that?"

"Yes."

…

(Silence)

…

(Crickets chirping)

…

"Let me in! It's MY locker, you miserable worm baby!"

"No, it's ours! But it's mostly mine!"

"GRRR!" Zim managed to kick the door of the locker, making it fall off its hinges and right onto Dib's head.

"HA! Pitiful human!" Zim stuffed everything into the storage compartment and put the door back in its rightful place. He turned to leave, but noticed something was missing…

'Something's missing!' thought Zim, obviously quoting the sentence above. "Oh yeah!" He turned around to Dib, who was lying on the ground. "Haha!" He pointed and laughed at his enemy, then rushed off to the exit of the skool.

**(Outside)**

Zim ran to Gaz, who was waiting by the sidewalk, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Come on already," she said once he had caught up. "We're going to my house." She grabbed Zim's noodle-like wrist and led (More like dragged) him to the Membrane household.

**(Back at Skool) **

Once Dib had regained a sense of feeling in his head, he put away his shaith and headed off into the wild blue yonder, but not before noticing Tak at her locker.

"Hi Tak!" he said as he walked up to the female Irken.

"Yo," she responded as she closed her locker and turned around to talk to Dib. "So, what's up?"

"Nothing, but I was wondering if you wanted to stop by my house and pick up your ship."

"That's right…" recalled Tak. "My ship crashed back here on Earth, didn't it?"

"Yeah. It landed in my yard and I kept it just incase you wanted it back. I even fixed it up for you!" stated Dib proudly.

"Alright! Let's go!"

And with that, they walked off to the wonders of Dib's garage, not knowing that there would be quite a surprise waiting for them…

**-End of Chappie!-**

Roo: And that, my amigos, was the most retarded song chappie EVER!

Kari: Whoop-de-doo…

Roo: Yes, I know what you're all thinking; _"Roo, why the quack did you put the spookiest Beach Boys song of all times in there?" _The answer? Because I could…

Kari: And yes, we all know that this chappie was super freaky. Roo's been… a little bit spazzy lately. O.o

Roo: **R and R, my Homie-Gs! Peace out, y'all!**

**-Sayonara!-**

**-Roo and Kari-**

**(POOF!)**


	7. Psoriasis!

Roo: HOLEH SHOUT ISH UPDATE TIME! (Dances)

Kari: The FANS should be celebrating. YOU should be writing, you lazy bum.

Roo: Yup. I'm lazy and their isn't anything you can do about it, Kari! That's why I'm the cool one!

Kari: Get real and get typing.

Roo: Psssshhhh. Chya, foo'. Get wit da disclaimin' groove, home duck.

Kari: O.o; … What…?

Roo: Ya'll hear me, homie. Get wit da program!

Kari: (Shoots) No more gangstering for you. (Clears throat) If you want to know what Roo does and does not own, look at the beginning of previous chappies. I feel you are smart enough to get the message.

**-Chappie 7-**

**-Psoriasis!-**

Once at the Membrane household's driveway, a strange drum roll came out of nowhere as Dib opened the garage door. Once it was opened, the sun shone down into it to reveal Tak's cruiser.

"It doesn't fly yet, but I fixed it up for the most part," said Dib, proudly grinning.

"I imagined that an Earthling couldn't fix it, but I guess I was wrong." Tak walked around the ship, amazed that there were no signs of dents. "Great job," She said, turning to Dib. "But we'll need to figure out a way to get it to my base without anyone getting suspicious."

A "bright" idea popped into Dib's enormous head, which could only mean doom. "I think my dad still has his cloaking device! Maybe we could use that!"

"Well then, let's go get it."

Dib led Tak into his humble house, which would not be too humble for long.

- - -

"Ya know, for an alien from a planet with superior technology, you really suck at video games," Gaz stated, taking a sip of her Poop Cola.

"SILENCE!" shouted Zim from his crouching position by the Playstation 2. "I CAN and WILL turn this frickin' thing on!" Zim kept on playing with the cords until he had them tied around his skinny little hands. 'Reminds me of the cheese… Are you associated with that inferior piece of… DAIRY?' thought Zim, immediately thinking of ways to torture it and ensure its downfall.

"Watch and learn." Gaz put down the soda and walked over to the PS2 cord/Irken hybrid (A/N WTF?). She untangled each and every cord in record time, plugged them back in, and flicked the switch in the back of the consol. Zim's eyes widened with fascination as the shiny disk for Vampire Piggy Hunter 3: Revenge of the Zombie Hogs was inserted. The Gothic girl pulled out 2 controllers, handing one to Zim, and sitting down on the couch. Zim followed.

"How did you do that…?" asked the invader, still amazed by the simple feat.

"Unmatchable talent," said Gaz as the startup screen appeared.

All of the sudden, the door opened.

"It should be down in my father's lab," came an annoying voice that only someone with a head the size of Irk itself could achieve.

"DIB! What are YOU doing here?" shouted Zim.

"ZIM! What are you doing in MY house?" yelled Dib.

"DIB! What are you doing STILL EXISTING?" screamed Gaz.

"GAZ! Why do you have THE ALIEN in the house?" cried Dib.

Tak leaned against a wall that came out of nowhere. "I'm just gonna stand here… like a sane person."

Dib and Zim kept on yelling. That yelling turned to an arm wrestling match. That arm wrestling match turned into an actual WWE wrestling match. That WWE wrestling match soon turned into a game of Go-Fish.

"Got any threes?" asked Zim for the, literally, one-hundred thirty-fifth time.

Gaz sighed. "No, Zim. For the last time, I don't have a three. Go Fish.

Zim looked to where the card pile used to be and stared at it for a couple seconds, along with everyone else.

"I think we're out of cards," stated Tak, fanning herself with the cards in her hand. "I have the most matches. I win. You all lose."

"Noooooooo!" screeched Zim like a deranged howler monkey. "GOLD FISH, why have you betrayed me?"

"It's GO fish, not GOLD fish," corrected Dib, being the little conniving smarty-pants that he is.

"Well… Who asked you?" screamed Zim.

"Uh… Well, no one, really. It's just common sense."

"Since when do you have any common sense, Dib?" asked Gaz.

"Uh… since…"

"NEVER, that's when! HAHAHA! Victory for ZIM!" shouted Zim, doin' a little jig to celebrate.

"I've had common sense! Like… uh… that one time at the zoo!"

(Flashback at the zoo)

"Hey! It's a peacock!" shouted a little 5 year old Dib as he reached his hand out to touch it.

…

Uh oh! The peacock ate him!

"AHHHHHH! Gaz, HELP ME!" shouted Dib with his huge head and half of his body sticking out of the peacock's beak.

Gaz took a sip of her lemonade. "Moron." Then, she walked away to get a slice of pizza.

(The end of the flashback is upon us. Fear the flashback!)

"You almost got devoured by a peacock and you call that common sense?" asked Gaz. Tak was trying to hold back her laughter and Zim was just… rolling on the floor laughing while having a major seizure. The paramedics didn't care, though, because they were dealing with a bald dude with psoriasis.

"Hey! It was the zoo's fault for not keeping the carnivorous beasts contained in their jail cells!"

That was when Mr. Membrane came out in a frilly pink apron. A scary sight, yes, but not nearly as scary as the sight of Dib's enormous head.

"Aw shout! You two finally have friends over! Stay for dinner or suffer extreme consequences!" he said with a smile before dancing back into the kitchen.

"D00dzors, WTF?" shouted Dib.

**-Outside the window… -**

"Doom… doom… doom… doom…" chanted Ms. Bitters as a spider crawled up her wrinkly, pale skin.

**-End of Chappie!-**

Roo: Yes, the name for the chappie is PSORIASIS! Get over it.

Kari: And yes, Dib was talking in n00b. N00b is a second language to Roo.

Roo: Nyaaaahh. This chappie was short. And not that funny, either. BUT, this is where the real fun begins. Seriously. Oh! Also, the reason why I did not update sooner was because I had to write a story for English. (Gasp) My advisory teacher says that she's gonna try to find a publisher for it! So yeah. I'll give you the title and all that jazz when and if it gets published. I'll try to update soon! If I can't, sorry. My teachers have been piling me with homework. (Dies)

**-Sayonara!-**

**-Roo and Kari-**

**(((POOF!)))**


	8. Supposed Porkchops and Dinners of Doom

Roo: It's been a while since my last update, but I'm back in action! ... And I have a cold that won't go away. T.T I'm also hungry. Feeeeeed meeee.

Kari: Shut up.

Roo: In exchange for a nice little disclaimer, I'll consider it.

Kari: Fine. Roo doesn't own any of the characters, and if you think she does, you have one warped little mind. Roo is not making any money off of this, so don't expect her to buy you anything fancy.

Roo: Kay, I'll shut up now and type...

-Chappie 8-

-Of Supposed Pork Chops and Dinners of Doom-

-Zim's PoV-

Just when I thought this day was so insane that it could make Gir seem normal, I was proven wrong.

I was invited to an Earth-stink's house for dinner. Dib's dinner, no less. Now I must endure this horrible "feast" that involves meat in one form or another. Heck, I'm not even sure if that is meat... Is it? I heard the Large-headed-one call it 'pork'. I have heard of this 'pork' before. Gir likes to flush it down the toilet and then stick it in a bowl of week-old ramen noodles. He also likes it on his POOP-cola flavored pizza. I don't think I will ever understand his eating habits.

And then there is this... Oh, I forgot what it was called. Um... lemme think... Oh yeah! Tuna. Yes, tuna. The substance that contains tuna, tuna, tuna, more tuna, pickles, and tuna. Gir prefers coating my antennae with it to eating it. If makes my antennae bleed. The Almighty Tallests think it's humorous. I think it's painful. Gir thinks it's... I dunno. Funny? Amusing? It makes him laugh like a hyena. But, then again, what doesn't?

So, here I am. Musing about food and what pain and torture it causes me and sitting at the Dib-demon's dinner table. What a horrible fate. All for the sake of the mission, I suppose...

I think that me musing about food is kinda insane though. And I am not an insane person, despite popular beliefs.

I begin stroking my mustache again. Everyone seems to think it is nonexistent, but it is very much real. Dib seems to be laughing at me, along with Tak. Curse them. Dib's father figure thinks it's 'cute' that they are laughing together. I think it is incredibly disturbing. Gaz is looking at Dib and Tak with utter disgust. Funny how, despite my superiority in species and my incredible Zim-ness, we always find Dib to be disgusting. That makes me feel happy.

Tallests save me; the Large-Headed-One's father is giving me pork and TUNA! Just like any other food, it appears to be mocking me. Laugh while you still have a mouth to laugh with, but I shall RULE YOU!

... Too bad I just said that line out loud. Gaz is staring at me like I'm a complete moron.

"Give the world conquest a rest, Zim. It's pork and tuna, you dork. It's not like it can eat you alive." She takes a bite of it like it's nothing. Just like she was able to do with the pizza at skool. She has the power to tolerate these foods. I must learn from her ways.

Despite her powers, she does not know that this food... It could probably devour a planet whole. I should take note of the power of pork and tuna and tell the Tallests of my findings. They could use this knowledge for the next Operation: Impending Doom.

"What's the matter, Zim?" hisses Tak before she takes a fork-full of the tuna and puts it into her mouth. "Scared of a little food? How pathetic." She continues eating the vile substance, glaring at me, obviously knowing that it can and will do me harm.

Heh heh heh, I'm going to show Tak that I am NOT afraid of Earth's filth. I shall succeed! I shall EAT this CRAP. I AM ZIM!

So, I end up grabbing the fork and picking up a mixture of tuna and pork, despite what my remaining common sense shouted in my ear, and shove it into my mouth. Oh, how HORRIBLE it tastes! YUCK. How can ANYONE eat this stuff?

"Zim, you look like you're having a seizure over there," says Dib through his laughter. He and Tak are laughing together again. This worries me.

I have bigger problems at the moment, though. My throat hurts, and so does my blood. I think my blood is on fire. GAH IT BURNS! GETITOFFAME!

Alright, I'm good. But still, that hurt. It also leaves a strange taste in my poor, superior mouth that tastes a lot like burnt tires. Ew.

-Zomg, 3rd person.-

Professor Membrane magically summoned a notepad, writing down Zim's reaction to the food, not considering that it could be something as simple as allergies. He was starting to act more like Dib than anything else, and this caused our Irken homie-G great mental disturbance.

Tak and Dib, meanwhile, were still laughing like deranged hyenas. This reminded Zim of the time meat had fused with his skin and the Tallests were laughing at his pain and despair. They had always found humor in others' suffering, and that was probably why they were loved _and _hated by so many, Irken or not. Zim always laughed with them, but not when it would be considered laughing at himself.

'Because that would be just plain stupid, in that Dib-like way,' thought Zim, obviously after reading the above sentence through telekinetic powers. Without these powers, this feat would not have been accomplished. Unless, of course, he had the non-existent script.

"Zim," began Gaz in a very annoyed voice. "Stop reading what the author is writing and eat." She grabbed Zim's fork and piled the supposed food onto it, shoving the substance into his mouth against Zim's noisy protests.

'If this night is any indication, I will never get back to Irk alive…' mused Zim.

-Sometime later at Zim's base/home/secret lair/portable toilet…-

"MASTA'S THROAT SWEEEELLLEEEDD!" screeched Gir as he ran up the wall, obviously after watching too many ninja movies.

Zim was sitting on the couch below the monkey portrait in his living room, glaring at his sidekick while itching his swelled, red throat. The skin was all scaly, boil-covered, and over all "eeeeeeewww."

Gir stopped roaming the ceiling and plopped himself on Zim's skinny little lap like a kid plops himself on Santa's fat, obese lap… only not.

"Masta want more tuna?" asked the dysfunctional SIR unit.

Resisting the urge to strangle Gir, Zim simply glared at him. He was in too much pain to take him apart.

"No, Gir. I DON'T want the very thing that is causing my throat to grow to the massive size of Dib's massively inflated head."

"Aw, Masta's depressed. I know what'll cheer you up! An Oprah marathon!" screeched the little silver robot with a pedophile-like grin.

"Alas, Gir. This is one thing that Lady Oprah cannot fix," said Zim, ever so dramatically. He regretted saying it in that tone, for Gir would start talking like that due to his tendency to copy many things.

-End o' Crappy Chappie (hah, I rhyme. xD)-

I know, this was short and incredibly stupid, but this was very quickly written… and I just wanted to update. xD I wrote this chappie during two-and-a-half hour's intervals of the day, due to the fact that I had to bottle-feed the puppies every two-and-a-half hours. Yah, I have little golden retriever puppies running amuck. They were born last Wednesday. :D Ten of them! I had to bottle-feed them today because the one of our momma dog's nipples are infected and puss is getting into the milk coming out of that nipple. And that could make the puppies all siiiick. D: And that wouldn't be cool.

Sorry about the stupidity and overall crappiness of this chappie. I need to get with the groove. D: I hope the next one will be better (and quicker).

Also, most of this chappie was written while listening to 'Garden' by Dir en Grey. :3 Just so you knooooow.

-Roo


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